Grieving room: making space for all the hard things after death and loss
Description
When we lose someone we love, we are forever changed. When our person dies, our grief needs room.
People long to reduce the enormity of our grief. "Time heals all wounds," they tell us, or "At least she isn't in pain anymore." Yet no matter how hard others try to stuff our grief into a process or a plan, grief cannot be willed away.
Leanne Friesen thought she knew a lot about bereavement. She had studied it in school and preached at memorial services. But only when her own sister died from cancer did she learn, in her very bones, what grieving people don't need--and what they do. In Grieving Room, Friesen writes with vulnerability, wisdom, and somehow even wit about the stark and sacred lessons learned at deathbeds and funerals. When someone dies, we need room for imperfect goodbyes, she writes, and room for a changing faith. We need room for regret and room to rage at the world. Room for hard holidays and room in our schedules. We need room for redemption and room for resurrection--and we also need room to never "get over it."
In this poignant account of a sister's mourning and a pastor's journey, Friesen pushes back against a world that wants to minimize our sorrow and avoid our despair. She helps those of us walking with the grieving figure out what to say and what not to say, and she offers practical ways to create ample space for every emotion and experience. Reflection questions, practices, and prayers at the end of the book offer guidance and ideas for individuals and groups.
In a world that wants to rush toward closure and healing, Grieving Room gives us permission to let loss linger. When the very worst happens, we can learn to give ourselves and others grieving room.
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Publisher's Weekly Review
Minister Friesen urges mourners in her graceful debut guide to "give sorrow the space it needs." After her sister, Roxanne, died in 2013 following a protracted struggle with melanoma, Friesen was wracked by a mix of guilt, fear, and anger. Eventually, she realized that contradictions are a hallmark of grief and should be embraced as part of the mourning process ("We aren't over it and we are moving forward"). She critiques unhelpful approaches toward grief, including insensitive comments like "God only takes the best" and notions that Christians with "enough faith" will be healed while others will continue to struggle (she cites a scriptural passage in which Jesus heals the son of a man who's battling his own "unbelief" as evidence that those with similarly "flip-floppy faith" are loved by God regardless). Each page simmers with heartache as Friesen recalls unexpected waves of sadness triggered by songs, first holidays without her sister, and thoughts of milestones that will never happen, lending depth to her insights and practical advice (instead of asking a mourner how they're doing, she suggests: "Tell me what you are missing about your loved one"). This will go a long way toward reassuring those who are grieving. (Feb.)Correction: An earlier version of this review misattributed Friesen as the author of A Modern Medical Miracle.
Publishers Weekly Reviews
Minister Friesen urges mourners in her graceful debut guide to "give sorrow the space it needs." After her sister, Roxanne, died in 2013 following a protracted struggle with melanoma, Friesen was wracked by a mix of guilt, fear, and anger. Eventually, she realized that contradictions are a hallmark of grief and should be embraced as part of the mourning process ("We aren't over it and we are moving forward"). She critiques unhelpful approaches toward grief, including insensitive comments like "God only takes the best" and notions that Christians with "enough faith" will be healed while others will continue to struggle (she cites a scriptural passage in which Jesus heals the son of a man who's battling his own "unbelief" as evidence that those with similarly "flip-floppy faith" are loved by God regardless). Each page simmers with heartache as Friesen recalls unexpected waves of sadness triggered by songs, first holidays without her sister, and thoughts of milestones that will never happen, lending depth to her insights and practical advice (instead of asking a mourner how they're doing, she suggests: "Tell me what you are missing about your loved one"). This will go a long way toward reassuring those who are grieving. (Feb.)Correction: An earlier version of this review misattributed Friesen as the author of A Modern Medical Miracle.
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