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Come as you are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life
Author
Publisher
Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, an imprint of Simon & Schuster
Publication Date
2021.
Language
English
Description
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ISBN
9781982165314
Table of Contents
From the Book - Simon & Schuster trade paperback edition, revised and updated.
Machine generated contents note: The True Story of Sex --
The Organization of This Book --
A Couple of Caveats --
If You Feel Broken, or Know Someone Who Does --
pt. 1 The (Not-So-Basic) Basics --
1. Anatomy: No Two Alike --
The Beginning --
The Clit, the Whole Clit, and Nothing but the Clit --
Meet Your Clitoris --
Lips, Both Great and Small --
Hymen Truths --
A Word on Words --
The Sticky Bits --
Intersex Parts --
Why It Matters --
Change How You See --
A Better Metaphor --
What It Is, Not What It Means --
2. The Dual Control Model: Your Sexual Personality --
Turn On the Ons, Turn Off the Offs --
Your Sexual Temperament --
What "Medium" Means --
Different for Girls... Sometimes --
What Turns You On? --
Can You Change Your Brain? --
3. Context: And the "One Ring" (to Rule Them All) in Your Emotional Brain --
Sensation in Context --
Sex, Rats, and Rock `n' Roll --
Liking, Wanting, and Learning --
You Can't Make Them --
"Is Something Wrong with Me?" (Answer: Nope) --
pt. 2 Sex In Context --
4. Emotional Context: Sex in a Monkey Brain --
The Stress Response Cycle; Fight, Flight, and Freeze --
Stress and Sex --
Broken Culture [→] Broken Stress Response Cycles --
Complete the Cycle! --
When Sex Becomes the Lion --
Sex and the Survivor --
Origin of Love --
The Science of Falling in Love --
Attachment and Sex: The Dark Side --
Attachment and Sex: Sex That Advances the Plot --
Attachment Style --
Managing Attachment: Your Feels as a Sleepy Hedgehog --
Survival of the Social --
The Water of Life --
5. Cultural Context: A Sex-Positive Life in a Sex-Negative World --
Three Messages You Are Beautiful --
Criticizing Yourself = Stress = Reduced Sexual Pleasure --
Health at Every Size --
"Dirty" --
When Somebody "Yucks" Your "Yum" --
Maximizing Yum... with Science! Part 1: Self-Compassion --
Maximizing Yum... with Science! Part 2: Cognitive Dissonance --
Maximizing Yum... with Science! Part 3: Media Nutrition You Do You --
pt. 3 Sex In Action --
6. Arousal: Lubrication Is Not Causation --
Measuring and Defining Nonconcordance --
All the Same Parts, Organized in Different Ways: "This Is a Restaurant" --
Nonconcordance in Other Emotions --
Lubrication Error #1: Genital Response = Desire --
Lubrication Error #2: Genital Response = Pleasure --
Lubrication Error #3: Nonconcordance Is a Problem --
"Honey... I'm Nonconcordant!" --
7. Desire: Spontaneous, Responsive, and Magnificent --
Desire = Pleasure in Context --
Good News! It's Probably Not Your Hormones --
More Good News! It's Not Monogamy, Either --
"Why Can't I Just Take a Pill?" --
It Might Be the Chasing Dynamic --
"Sex Worth Wanting" --
Sharing Your Garden --
pt. 4 Ecstasy For Everybody --
8. Orgasm: Pleasure Is the Measure --
Nonconcordance -- Now with Orgasms! --
No Two Alike --
All the Same Parts --
Your Vagina's Okay, Either Way --
Difficulty with Orgasm --
Impatient Little Monitors --
Ecstatic Orgasm: You're a Flock! --
How Do You Medicate a Flock? --
Flying Toward Ecstasy --
9. Love What's True: The Ultimate Sex-Positive Context --
Why Confidence Is Not Enough --
Step 1 Your Feelings Are Always True --
The Map and the Terrain: A Tool for Reality Checking --
Step 2 The Hard Part (Or, How to "Nonjudging") --
Nonjudging 1 "No Good Reason" --
Nonjudging 2 Healing Trauma --
Nonjudging 3 Pain --
Nonjudging 4 Pleasure --
Nonjudging 5 Mourning the "Shoulds" --
"To Feel Normal" --
Conclusion: You Are the Secret Ingredient --
Why I Wrote This Book --
Where to Look for More Answers.
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