Punishment-free parenting: the brain-based way to raise kids without raising your voice

This empathetic debut manual from Fogel, host of the Whole Parent podcast and a father of four, warns against using fear-based parenting strategies. He contends that punishment is counterproductive because it incentivizes children to care more about whether they'll get caught than about the problematic behavior itself. Instead, parents should strive to understand why their child acts out, because misbehavior usually stems from unmet needs. For example, Fogel describes how his toddler refused to follow their morning routine until his wife realized the tantrums stemmed from hunger (despite the child's protestations that he didn't want to eat) and were resolved by serving breakfast earlier. No punishment doesn't mean no consequences, Fogel asserts, adding that they should be directly related to the offense and the reasons for them clearly communicated. To illustrate, he recounts how after he discovered one of his sons drawing with a Sharpie on their new deck, he clarified the rules for proper Sharpie usage and enlisted his son's help in sandpapering the marker off the deck. The guidance is compassionate, and Fogel's exhortation "to extend to ourselves the same grace and forgiveness that we aspire to extend to our children" will help readers work through their own emotional baggage. Parents will find this a balm. Agent: Kathleen Kerr, Alive Literary. (Jan.)

This empathetic debut manual from Fogel, host of the Whole Parent podcast and a father of four, warns against using fear-based parenting strategies. He contends that punishment is counterproductive because it incentivizes children to care more about whether they'll get caught than about the problematic behavior itself. Instead, parents should strive to understand why their child acts out, because misbehavior usually stems from unmet needs. For example, Fogel describes how his toddler refused to follow their morning routine until his wife realized the tantrums stemmed from hunger (despite the child's protestations that he didn't want to eat) and were resolved by serving breakfast earlier. No punishment doesn't mean no consequences, Fogel asserts, adding that they should be directly related to the offense and the reasons for them clearly communicated. To illustrate, he recounts how after he discovered one of his sons drawing with a Sharpie on their new deck, he clarified the rules for proper Sharpie usage and enlisted his son's help in sandpapering the marker off the deck. The guidance is compassionate, and Fogel's exhortation "to extend to ourselves the same grace and forgiveness that we aspire to extend to our children" will help readers work through their own emotional baggage. Parents will find this a balm. Agent: Kathleen Kerr, Alive Literary. (Jan.)