Sorry, sorry, sorry : the case for good apologies
(Book)

Ingall and McCarthy's analytical, collaborative, and popular website, SorryWatch, forms the basis for this humorous handbook that extensively unpacks the whys of apologies. In short, the case for good apologies is that they are an essential part of our social fabric, bringing people together and creating healing. The book's true (and fascinating) subject is the plethora of bad apologies out there, which are carefully constructed to minimize, deflect, and protect, while effecting the opposite of an apology. The authors reveal the ties between medical malpractice lawsuits and the bad apologies that make patients more vindictive. Perhaps the most useful tools in the book are the action-item checklists and bad apology bingo cards at the end of the chapters. The book ranges broadly, from children to celebrities to politics to brain science, yet its advice for how to apologize well remains clear, easy to follow, and essential. For all its jabs and wink-wink asides, this book, at its core, could change lives.

In this helpful guide, Ingall (Mamelah Knows Best) and McCarthy (coauthor, When Elephants Weep), cocreators of the website SorryWatch, use real-life and hypothetical examples to teach readers how to apologize better. Examples of good apologies include John F. Kennedy's statement on the Bay of Pigs invasion in 1961, in which he said his administration intended "to take full responsibility for our errors," and Questlove's apology for culturally insensitive social media posts: "I for one should never allow my cultural bias to take precedence over my 'examined life.' " Case studies of what not to say include Ellen DeGeneres's memo to employees about the toxic work environment at her talk show, in which she focused on her own feelings and blamed others. (There's also a list of the five worst celebrity apologies, including Mario Batali's response to sexual assault allegations, which ended with a recipe for pizza dough cinnamon rolls.) Ingall and McCarthy incisively discuss how gender, race, and class affect apologies, and weave in lucid explanations of psychological research and business and legal matters. Jokey asides mostly help the advice to go down smoothly, though some readers may find the tonal shifts jarring. Still, this is an accessible and well-informed resource for navigating difficult conversations. Agent: Sarah Burnes, Gernert Co. (Jan.)

Ingall and McCarthy, creators of SorryWatch, a website that has tracked public apologies since 2012, have compiled the best and worst of modern "apology culture" into a helpful volume organized by category and type. They explain the science and psychology of apologies, give excellent examples of why and how they fail, and provide tips for success. There are six and a half simple steps to an appropriate apology. In addition to explaining how to issue them correctly, the authors showcase how and when it's appropriate for the recipient to respond, including how to navigate the complicated levels of forgiveness. Celebrity culture provides the best examples for the book, and there are recognizable names, such as Ellen DeGeneres and Kevin Spacey. There are chapters that provide an analysis of political and government apologies, focus on children, probe doctors and the medical world, and examine corporate accountability. All of the seriousness is rounded out with mad libs, bingo cards, and checklists. VERDICT Useful, helpful, and full of relevant examples to illustrate how to improve one's apology skills.--Tina Panik

How to apologize with grace and sincerity. Since 2012, Ingall and McCarthy have been analyzing the art of the apology in contemporary pop culture, the news, and politics for their website, SorryWatch.com. This book is a synthesis of their research and the varying perspectives they have chronicled on the site. Even though "good apologies are one of the [life] tools we could all be deploying more," write the authors, apologizing well is agonizingly difficult for many (most?) grownups." In conversational prose featuring anecdotal examples, Ingall and McCarthy present six easy-to-follow steps for apologizing effectively. They analyze the many reasons why saying you're sorry is such a difficult process and present instances where the dynamic power of a resonant "I'm sorry" can create positive change and deepen mutual understanding. They discuss the art of the public apology and how it became "fashionable" for politicians and public figures hoping to save face. They explain how to comprehend why a specific behavior was bad and how to ensure that it doesn't happen again, and they discuss how to initiate reparations. Throughout, the authors reveal surprising examples of good apologies as well as the neuroscience and psychology behind poor ones--in addition to the things never to say when attempting to right a wrong. Naturally, the bad apologies comprise the text's juiciest material, and the authors present the five worst celebrity, corporate, and political apologies of all time--e.g., Mark Wahlberg's vague 1993 apology for hate crimes he committed as a teenager; Harvey Weinstein's ambiguous response to numerous sexual assault accusations; and Ellen DeGeneres' issuing nebulous regrets about her toxic work climate. Ingall and McCarthy firmly believe that apologies "civilize" our culture; in making amends for a wrongdoing, they create a happier, more forgiving society, and they offer key teachable moments for children. Closing each chapter are achievable and proactive apology action items for readers eager to do better. Essential protocol for those seeking to hone their apology skills. Copyright (c) Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.

Ingall and McCarthy's analytical, collaborative, and popular website, SorryWatch, forms the basis for this humorous handbook that extensively unpacks the whys of apologies. In short, the case for good apologies is that they are an essential part of our social fabric, bringing people together and creating healing. The book's true (and fascinating) subject is the plethora of bad apologies out there, which are carefully constructed to minimize, deflect, and protect, while effecting the opposite of an apology. The authors reveal the ties between medical malpractice lawsuits and the bad apologies that make patients more vindictive. Perhaps the most useful tools in the book are the action-item checklists and bad apology bingo cards at the end of the chapters. The book ranges broadly, from children to celebrities to politics to brain science, yet its advice for how to apologize well remains clear, easy to follow, and essential. For all its jabs and wink-wink asides, this book, at its core, could change lives. Copyright 2022 Booklist Reviews.

Ingall and McCarthy, creators of SorryWatch, a website that has tracked public apologies since 2012, have compiled the best and worst of modern "apology culture" into a helpful volume organized by category and type. They explain the science and psychology of apologies, give excellent examples of why and how they fail, and provide tips for success. There are six and a half simple steps to an appropriate apology. In addition to explaining how to issue them correctly, the authors showcase how and when it's appropriate for the recipient to respond, including how to navigate the complicated levels of forgiveness. Celebrity culture provides the best examples for the book, and there are recognizable names, such as Ellen DeGeneres and Kevin Spacey. There are chapters that provide an analysis of political and government apologies, focus on children, probe doctors and the medical world, and examine corporate accountability. All of the seriousness is rounded out with mad libs, bingo cards, and checklists. VERDICT Useful, helpful, and full of relevant examples to illustrate how to improve one's apology skills.—Tina Panik

In this helpful guide, Ingall (Mamelah Knows Best) and McCarthy (coauthor, When Elephants Weep), cocreators of the website SorryWatch, use real-life and hypothetical examples to teach readers how to apologize better. Examples of good apologies include John F. Kennedy's statement on the Bay of Pigs invasion in 1961, in which he said his administration intended "to take full responsibility for our errors," and Questlove's apology for culturally insensitive social media posts: "I for one should never allow my cultural bias to take precedence over my ‘examined life.'?" Case studies of what not to say include Ellen DeGeneres's memo to employees about the toxic work environment at her talk show, in which she focused on her own feelings and blamed others. (There's also a list of the five worst celebrity apologies, including Mario Batali's response to sexual assault allegations, which ended with a recipe for pizza dough cinnamon rolls.) Ingall and McCarthy incisively discuss how gender, race, and class affect apologies, and weave in lucid explanations of psychological research and business and legal matters. Jokey asides mostly help the advice to go down smoothly, though some readers may find the tonal shifts jarring. Still, this is an accessible and well-informed resource for navigating difficult conversations. Agent: Sarah Burnes, Gernert Co. (Jan.)